So this is dumb: I slept, according to my Fitbit dingus, for less than an hour and a half last night. Feels about right. Why? Because I have this stupid tendency to obsess over solving problems. Why have I allowed this tendency to develop? Well…here’s the weird thing: I have a history of actually solving problems with it. I mean, lots of them. It’s one of those intermittent-reinforcement things, y’know? Hard to shake the habit, ’cause when it works it feels so good.
But this time I can’t solve anything, at least in the short term, and I somehow need to give myself permission to clear my head. A basic grown-up sort of life skill, I fully realize. Way overdue.
Can’t really give you guys the details. It’s just…I trust some people, and not other people, and I feel/claim responsibilities I can’t necessarily live up to right now. All I can do, you might tell me, is do what I can do. And move on to something else. Right. Got it. But I want to think of something else. Some other approach. An end run that fixes a problem. Not impossible, right?
Yeah. Okay. Right now I really need patience, and sleep. So I think I’ll take a kid to a pool, and find something else to do that’s fun, and maybe read some fiction. Pet the cat. Stuff like that. Maybe I’ll sleep tonight.
I love writing fiction. But it’s not the sort of therapy for me that I can imagine it might be for other people. I don’t write down my problems. I daydream for fun. Can’t do that at the moment.
On the bright side, that same wrist-dingus tells me I’ve paced about six miles since I got out of bed six hours ago. So, exercise-wise, all’s well. Cool!
Seriously, I need to do better. And I will. Call it my new project.